impatience beneath his darker calm. Her philosophy was again torn in shreds by sharp feminine emotions. She was filled with jealousy and hatred and hurt pride. The clearest expression of his possible discontent had marked his face when he had suddenly come into their room and saw her rising from a prayer for his father. Gerrit’s lips had been compressed, almost disdainful; at that moment, she knew unerringly, he found her ugly. Of course it had been the hideous garments of mourning.
She must wear the unhemmed sackcloth and dull slippers, bind her headdress and cover her pins with paste, for a hundred days; and then a second mourning of black or dark blue, and no flowers, for three years. It might well be that by then Gerrit, blind to these proprieties, would find her unendurable. Suddenly, in the tremendous difficulty of holding him against an entire world, his own and of which she was supremely ignorant, it seemed to her that she needed every possible means, every coral blossom and gold filament and finger of paint, the cunning intoxication of subtle dress and color and perfume. With a leaden sense of guilt, but in a fever of impatience, of haste, she stripped off the coarse hemp for her most elaborate satins, her santal and clover and carmine.
When Gerrit came in it had grown dark with night, and he explained that he had been busy inspecting the _Nautilus’_ spars. She lighted a lamp, then another, all she could find, and studied him unobtrusively. She was shocked at the worn expression of his face; it seemed as if he had aged in the few hours since he had left the library. He was uneasy, silent; and, secretly dismayed, she saw that he was indifferent to her changed appearance, too. Taou Yuen debated the wisdom of telling him about the painful scene with Edward Dunsack; against her original intent she decided in the negative. She informed herself that the reason for this was a wish to preserve him, now that they were practically at the day of departure, from an unpleasant duty. But there was an underlying dimly apprehended and far different motive: she was afraid that it would blow into flame a situation that might otherwise be avoided, bring to life a past naturally dying or dead.
She saw that he was scarcely aware of her presence in the room, perhaps in his life. A period of resentment followed. “You are dull,” she declared, “and I am going down to the garden for entertainment.” Gerrit nodded. He would, he told her, be along shortly. Below she found Roger Brevard, with the oldest Ammidon girl and her mother.
Roger Brevard, she had discovered, was in love with Sidsall. The latter, it developed, was to leave shortly for a party; Mr. Brevard was not going; and, when Gerrit’s sister-in-law walked across the grass with her daughter the man dropped into an easy conversation with Taou Yuen. She had a feeling, which she had tried in vain to lose, of the vulgarity, the impropriety of this. Yet she recognized that there was none of the former in Roger Brevard; he resembled quite a little her dead husband, Sié-Ngan-kwán; and for that reason she was more at ease with him–in spite of such unaccustomed familiarity–than with anyone else in Salem but Gerrit.
He was, she admitted condescendingly, almost as cultivated as the ordinary Chinese gentleman. Many of his thoughts, where she could understand their expression, might have come from a study of the sacred kings. At the same time her feminine perception realized that he had a genuine liking for her.
“You’ll be delighted to leave Salem,” he said, leaning forward and studying her.
“That would not be polite,” she answered formally. “You have been so good. But it will give me pleasure to see Shanghai again. Anyone is happier with customs he understands.”
“And prefers,” he added. “Indeed, I’d choose some of your manners rather than ours. You see, you have been at the business of civilization so much longer than the rest of us.”
“Our history begins two thousand years before your Christ,” she told him; “our language has been spoken without change for thirty-three centuries, as you call them. But such facts are nothing. I would rather hear your non–nonsense,” she stumbled over the word.
“Do you mean that what we call nonsense is really the most important?”
“Perhaps,” she replied. “Devotion to the old and dead is greatly necessary yet you smile at it. I didn’t mean that, but moons and lovers and music.” He cried in protest, “We’re terribly serious about those!”
“I hear nothing but talk about cargoes and sales and money.”
“We keep the other under our hats,” he instructed her. She was completely mystified, and he explained.
“In China,” she remarked tentatively, “it is possible for a man to love two women at once, maybe one a little more than the other, but he can be kind and just and affectionate to them both. Tell me, is–is that possible with an American?”
“No!” he spoke emphatically. “We can love, in the way you mean, only one, perhaps only once. I wouldn’t swear to that, but there are simply no exceptions to the first. Men are unfaithful, yes; but at a cost to themselves, or because they are incapable of restraint. To be unfaithful in anything is to fail, isn’t it? You can lie to yourself as effectively as to anybody else.”
She fixed a painful attention upon him, but lost at least a half of his meaning. However, one fact was clearer than ever–that Edward Dunsack had said an evil thing about her husband. “It seems,” he went on, “that even spiritual concerns can be the result of long custom.” If he was trying to find an excuse for Chinese habit she immediately disposed of it. “No,” she said, “you are upside down. The spirit is first, the eternal Tao, everywhere alike, but the personal spirit is different in you and in us.”
A sudden dejection seized her–now the difference seemed vaster than anything she had in common with Gerrit. A wave of oppressive nostalgia, of confusion and dread, submerged her in a faintly thunderous darkness. She felt everywhere about her the presence of evil and threatening shades. The approach of her husband, his heavy settling into a chair, did nothing to lighten her apprehension.
“How soon do we go?” she asked faintly.
“In two weeks, with nothing unexpected,” he responded without interest or pleasure. It flashed through her mind that he was depressed at leaving Salem, that other woman. His present indifference was very far from the manner in which he had first discussed their leaving. Yet, even that, she recalled in the light of her present sensitiveness, had been unnaturally abrupt and clothed in a great many loud-sounding words. She told herself arbitrarily that Edward Dunsack had lied–for the purpose which his conduct afterward made clear–but her very feeling was proof that she believed he had spoken the truth.
She was a victim of an uneasy curiosity to see… she made a violent mental effort and recaptured the name–Nettie Vollar. Of course the latter had been the deliberate cause of whatever wickedness had threatened at the return of Gerrit with her, Taou Yuen. She had however no doubt of the extent of this: Gerrit was upright, faithful to the necessity Roger Brevard had explained; all that assaulted her happiness was on an incorporate plane, or, anyhow, in a procession of consequences extending far back and forward of their present lives.
But, she recognized, she had no excuse nor opportunity to see Nettie Vollar. Mrs. Ammidon, when she heard of the accident, had at once declared her intention of going to the Dunsacks’ house; still that promised no chance of satisfying her own desire. The least politeness in the world prohibited her from going baldly in and demanding to see the woman. She couldn’t, all at once, make convincing a sympathy or impersonal interest entirely contradictory to her insistent indifference. The best she could hope was for them to sail away as quickly as possible; when on the other side of the seas Gerrit would probably return to the simplicity of being she had adored.
Then a trivial and yet serious fear occurred to her–perhaps here, among all these dead-white women, he no longer held her beautiful. The word was his own, or it had been his; he had not repeated it, she realized, twice since they had been in Salem. Personally, she found the American women entirely undistinguished and dressed in grotesquely ugly and cheap clothes–not unlike paper lanterns bobbing along the ground. Their faces were shamelessly bare of paint and their manners would have disgraced the lowest servant in a Chinese courtyard. This was natural, from any consideration of the hideous or inappropriate things that surrounded them, and from the complete lack of what she could distinguish as either discipline or reverence. Yet Gerrit, a part of this, would be unable to share her attitude; she had heard him praise the appearance of women so insipid that she had turned expecting vainly an ironic smile.
Roger Brevard rose and made his bow, the only satisfactory approach to a courteous gesture she had met outside Gerrit’s occasional half-humorous effort since leaving Shanghai. He stirred, muttered a perfunctory phrase, and sank back into obscurity.
Little quirks of unfamiliar disturbing feeling ran through Taou Yuen; her mind, it seemed, had become a thing of no importance; all that at one time had so largely ordered her life was superseded by these illogical emotions spreading apparently from her heart. The truth was, she told herself, that–with all her reading and philosophy–she had had little or no experience of actuality: the injury to her hip and quiet life in the gray garden at Canton, her protected existence in the women’s apartments, whatever she might have learned from them neglected because of the general silliness of their chatter, the formal early marriage, had all combined for the preservation of her ignorance.
She regarded herself now with distrust; nothing could have been more unpleasant than the failure of her will, this swamping of her equanimity. She never lost for a moment the image of superiority that should be her perfect example, the non-assertion that was the way of heaven; but her comprehension was like a figure ruthlessly dragged about by an overpowering unreflective force. A sharp hatred of Nettie Vollar seared her mind and perished in a miserable sense of weakness.
Against the dark, charged with a confusion of the ten thousand things, she stared wearily and wakeful. She reminded herself again that Gerrit would soon be gone from Salem, alone with her on the long voyage to China; but he’d return to America, come back to Salem; and she knew that he would never bring her westward again. A period of depression followed which seemed to have no immediate connection with Gerrit; she had an indefinable feeling of struggling in vain against adversity, of opposition to an implacable power.
For a short while after she rose in the morning it appeared that she had regained her self-control, her reason; and a consequent happy relief irradiated her. But when Gerrit came up after she had finished her toilet and she saw, from his haggard face, that he too must have been awake, tormented, through the night, a passion of bitterness enveloped her at which all that had gone before turned pale. She could scarcely restrain herself from a noisy wailing accusation, and stood regarding him with a tense unnatural grimace, the result of her effort to preserve propriety. She told herself, at the tempest of vulgar phrases storming through her consciousness, that what Edward Dunsack had said about her being no better than the tea house girls was true, and she was aghast at the inner treachery capable of such self-betrayal. Not a quivering word, however, escaped; she managed a commonplace phrase and turned aside in a trivial pretext of occupation.
“I am going into Boston with Captain Dunsack on business connected with his schooners.” The girl’s grandfather! “Very well.” She spoke placidly, and with a tempestuous heart watched him stride quickly about the park.
She settled herself in a long motionless contemplation, fastening her mind upon the most elevated and revered ideas conceivable. She saw the eternal Tao flowing like a great green river of souls, smooth and mighty and resistless; and she willed that she too might become a part of that desirable self-effacement, safe in surrender. Men striving to create a Tao for personal ends beat out their lives in vain. It was the figure of the river developing, like floating on a deliberate all-powerful tide or struggling impotently against it.
Later a message came up from Mrs. Ammidon–she hoped that Taou Yuen would drive with her that afternoon. She dressed with the most particular care, in blue and dark greens, her shoulders thick with embroidered garlands and silver _shou_, her piled hair ornamented in glittering silver leaves and garnets.
She went down when she heard the horses on the street below but the barouche was empty except for the coachman. “Mrs. Ammidon left a half hour ago,” a servant told her; “and sent the carriage back for you.” They moved forward, going, she saw, into a part of the town where they seldom drove–the narrow crowded way by the wharves–and, turning shortly into a street that ended abruptly at the water, drew up before a dingy house on her right.
The door was open, and they waited, confident that Mrs. Ammidon would hear the clatter of hoofs and come out; but a far different appeared. She gazed for a silent space at Taou Yuen seated above her, as if confused by the glittering magnificence. It was probable that Gerrit’s brother’s wife had come there on an errand of charity for the woman was poor, dingy like the house, with a face drawn by suffering and material struggle.
“Of course you’re Captain Ammidon’s wife,” she said; “and you are here after Mrs. William Ammidon. Well, she’s gone; but she left a message for you. She will be at Henry Whipple’s, the bookseller. After she saw Nettie she went right off to send her some things; wouldn’t wait for the carriage. A kind-hearted determined body.”
Taou Yuen leaned out to command the coachman to drive on; but the other, plainly bent on making the most of a rare opportunity for such a conversation, continued talking in her low resigned way.
“I was glad to have her too; Nettie gets pretty fretful up there with nobody but me, really. She hasn’t been so well, either, since–” here she stopped abruptly, recommenced. “I like to see a person myself of Mrs. Ammidon’s kind. I’ve been alone all day; father’s gone to Boston and Edward away I don’t know where.”
Taou Yuen’s curiosity to see Nettie Vollar returned infinitely multiplied; here, miraculously, was an opportunity for her to study the woman who was beyond any doubt an important part of Gerrit’s past, present–it might be, his future. The men were gone. … She got resolutely down from the barouche. “Take me up to your daughter,” she directed quietly.
“Why, that’s very kind, but I don’t know–Yes, certainly. Mind these stairs with your satin skirt; I don’t always get around to the whole house.”
Taou Yuen saw at once that Nettie Vollar was far sicker than she had realized: her head lay on the pillow absolutely spent, her brow damply plastered with hair and her eyes enlarged and dull. Taou Yuen drew a chair forward and sat beside a table with a glass bowl of small dark pills which from a just perceptible odor she recognized as opium. She looked intently, coldly, at the prostrate figure. A flush like match flames burned in Nettie Vollar’s cheeks, and she said in a voice at once weak and sharp:
“You’re her!”
Taou Yuen nodded slowly, disdainfully.
“Oh, how could he!” the other exclaimed in what sounded like the thin echo of a passionate cry. “I knew you were Chinese, but I never realized it till this minute.”
As Gerrit Ammidon’s wife had feared she was totally unable to judge a single quality or feature of the girl before her. She looked exactly like all the others she had seen in Salem: in order to realize her she needed Gerrit’s eyes, Gerrit’s birth. Then one fact crept insidiously into her consciousness–here, in a way, was another being who had Gerrit Ammidon’s childlike simplicity. That was the most terrifying discovery she could have made. Taou Yuen felt the return of the hateful irresistible emotions which had destroyed her self-control. She wanted to hurt Nettie Vollar in every possible way, to mock her with the fact that she had lost Gerrit perhaps never to see him again; she wanted to tell her that she, Taou Yuen, entirely understood her hopes, efforts, and that they were vain.
An utter self-loathing possessed her at the same time, a feeling of imminent danger as if she were walking with willfully shut eyes on the edge of a precipice above a black fatal void. Not a trace of this appeared on her schooled countenance; and once more she completely restrained any defiling speech. She deliberately shifted her point of view to another possible aspect of all that confronted her–it might be that this woman was a specter, a _kwei_, bent on Gerrit’s destruction. Such a thing often happened. How much better if Nettie Vollar had been killed! She studied her with a renewed interest–a fresh question. Perhaps the other would die as it was. She was extremely weak; her spirit, Taou Yuen saw, lay listlessly in a listless body. Nettie Vollar slightly moved her injured arm, and that little effort exhausted her for a moment; her eyes closed, her face was as white as salt.
A further, almost philosophical, consideration engaged Taou Yuen’s mind–this extraordinary occasion, her being with the other alone, Nettie Vollar’s fragility, were, it might be, all a part of the working of the righteous _Yang_. In the light of this, then, she had been brought here for a purpose … the ending of a menace to her husband. She hesitated for a breath–if it were the opposite malignant _Yin_ there was no bottom to the infamy into which she might fall. It was a tremendous question.
The actual execution of the practical suggestion, from either source, was extremely easy; she had but to lean forward, draw her heavy sleeve across the strained face, hold it there for a little, and Nettie Vollar would have died of–of any one of a number of reasonable causes. She, Taou Yuen, would call, politely distressed, for the mother … very regrettable.
Gerrit free–
Perhaps.
She had no shrinking from the act itself, nothing that might have been called pity, a few more or less years in a single life were beneath serious consideration; it was the lives to come, the lingering doubt of which power led her on, which restrained and filled her mind. A flicker of rage darted through her calm questioning; her mental processes again faded. With her right arm across the supine body and enveloping the face in her left sleeve a single twist and Nettie Vollar would choke in a cloud of thick satin made gay with unfading flowers and the embroidered symbol of long life. She felt her body grow rigid with purpose when the sound of a footfall below held her motionless in an unreasoning dread.
It was not heavy, yet she was certain that it was not the woman’s. A blur of voices drifted up to her, the dejected feminine tone and a thin querulous demand, surprise. Taou Yuen turned cold as stone: the sensation of oppressive danger increased until it seemed as if she, and not Nettie Vollar, were strangling. There was a profound stillness, then a shuffling tread on the stair, and Edward Dunsack entered, entered but stood without advancing, his back against a closed door.
Even since yesterday he had noticeably wasted, there were muscles of his face that twitched continuously; his hands, it seemed to her, writhed like worms. He said nothing, but stared at her with a fixed glittering vision; all his one time worship–it had been so much–was devoured in the hatred born in the Ammidon library. Frozen with apprehension she sat without movement; her face, she felt, as still as a lacquered mask.
To her astonishment–she had forgotten Nettie Vollar’s existence–a shaken voice from the bed demanded:
“Uncle Edward, what’s come over you! Don’t you see Mrs. Ammidon! Oh–” her speech rose in a choked exclamation. Edward Dunsack had turned the key and was crossing the room with a dark twisted face, his eyes stark and demented. Taou Yuen, swung round toward the advancing figure, heard a long fluttering breath behind her. Perhaps Nettie Vollar had died of fright. The terror in her own brain dried up before an overwhelming realization–she had betrayed herself to the principle of evil. She was lost. Her thoughts were at once incredibly rapid and entirely vivid, logical: Edward Dunsack, ruined, in China; herself blinded, confused, destroyed in America. Yesterday she had held him powerless with the mere potency of her righteousness; but now she had no strength.
There was a loathsome murmur from his dusty lips. He intended to kill her, to mar and spoil her throat, a degradation forbidden by Confucius, an eternal disfigurement. This filled her with a renewed energy of horror…. Here there was none but a feeble woman to hear her if she called. She rose mechanically, a hand on the table; Taou Yuen saw Nettie Vollar’s deathly pallid face rolled awkwardly from the pillow, and the bowl of opium. There were twenty or more pills. Without hesitation, even with a sense of relief, she swept the contents of the bowl into her palm. The effort of swallowing so many hard particles was almost convulsive and followed with a nauseous spasm.
Exhausted by mental effort she sank into a chair and a dullness like smoke settled over her. The figure of Edward Dunsack retreated to an infinite distance. The smoke moved in a great steady volume–the eternal and changeless Tao, without labor or desires, without…. Hatred requited with virtue … attracting all honor–mounting higher and higher from the consuming passions, the seething black lives of her immeasurable fall.
X
Although the late afternoon was at an hour when Derby Street should have been filled by a half-idle throng in the slackening of the day’s waterside employments Roger Brevard found it noticeably empty. In this he suddenly recognized that the street was like the countingroom of the Mongolian Marine Insurance Company, the heart of Salem’s greatness–they were weaker, stilled in a decline that yet was not evident in the impressive body of the town.
When he had first taken charge of this branch both Salem and it had been of sufficient moment to attract him from New York; the company was insuring Boston and New York vessels; the captains had thronged its broad window commanding St. Peters and Essex Streets. Now only an occasional shipmaster, holding the old traditions and habits or else retired, sat in the comfortable armchairs with leather cushions drawn up at the coal hearth or expansive in white through the summer.
His mind shifted to a consideration of these facts in relation to himself–whether the same thing overtaking the place and marine insurance had not settled upon him too–as he made his way from Central Wharf, where he had vainly gone for prospective business. His inquiry was reaching a depressing certainty when, passing and gazing down Hardy Street, he saw the Ammidon barouche standing in front of the Dunsacks’.
Roger Brevard stopped: the Ammidon men, he knew, seldom drove about Salem. He had heard of Nettie Vollar’s accident and came to the conclusion that Rhoda was within. If this were so, her visit, limited to a charitable impulse, would be short; and thinking of the pleasure of driving with her he turned into the side way. As he approached, the coachman met him with an evident impatience.
“No, sir,” he replied to Brevard’s inquiry. “But we were to get Mrs. Ammidon at the bookstore. Mrs. Captain Gerrit called here for her, but she went inside unexpected. All of an hour ago. I don’t like to ask for the lady, but what may be said later I can’t think.”
He had scarcely finished speaking when a woman whom Brevard recognized as Kate Vollar appeared at the door. “Oh, Mr. Brevard!” she exclaimed with an unnaturally pallid and apprehensive face. “I’m glad to find you. Please come upstairs with me. Why I don’t know but I’m all in a tremble. Mrs. Ammidon went to see Nettie, then Edward came in, and when he heard who was there he acted as if he were struck dumb and went up like a person afflicted. I waited the longest while and then followed them and knocked. Why the door was shut I’d never tell you. But they didn’t answer, any of them,” she declared with clasped straining hands. “Three in the room and not a sound. Please–” her voice was suddenly suffocated by dread.
“Certainly. Quarles,” he addressed the coachman, “I’ll get you to come along. If there is a lock to break it will need a heavier shoulder than mine.”
Mounting the narrow somber stair, followed by the man and Kate Vollar, he wondered vainly what might have happened. Obscurely some of the woman’s fear was communicated to him. Brevard knocked abruptly on the door indicated but there was no answering voice or movement. He tried the latch: as Nettie’s mother had found, it was fastened.
“Quarles,” Roger Brevard said curtly.
The coachman stepped forward, braced himself for the shove he directed against the wooden barrier, and the door swept splintering inward. Roger advanced first and a grim confusion touched him with cold horror. Taou Yuen was half seated and half lying across a table beside the bed; he couldn’t see her face, but her body was utterly lax. Nettie Vollar, too, was in a dreadful waxen similitude of death, with lead colored lips and fixed sightless eyes. A slight extraordinary sound rose behind him, and whirling, Brevard discovered that it was Edward Dunsack giggling. He was silent immediately under the other’s scrutiny, and an expression of stubborn and malicious caution pinched his wasted sardonic countenance.
Brevard turned to the greater necessity of the women, and moved Taou Yuen so that he could see her features. It was evident that she was not, as he had first thought, dead; her breathing was slow and deep and harsh, her pulse deliberate and full; she was warm, too, but her face was suffused by an unnatural blueness and the pupils of her inert eyes were barely discernible. He shook her with an unceremonious vigor, but there was no answering energy; she fell across his arm in a sheer weight of satin-covered body. He moved back in a momentary uncontrollable repulsion when Kate Vollar threw herself past him onto the bed. “Nettie!” she cried, “Nettie! Nettie!” Brevard was chilled by the possibility of an unutterable tragedy, when with a faint suffusion of color the girl gave a gasping sigh. Her voice stirred in a terror shaken whisper:
“Uncle Edward, don’t! Why–don’t. Oh!” She pressed her face with a long shudder into the pillow. “Whatever was it–?” her mother began wildly. Brevard caught her shoulder. “Not now,” he directed; “you’ll come downstairs with me. We must have help at once and your daughter quiet.”
However he was in a quandary–he couldn’t trust the woman here, he would have to go immediately for assistance, and yet it was impossible to leave Nettie Vollar and Gerrit’s wife alone. “You will have to wait in the room,” he decided, turning to Quarles.
Edward Dunsack was wavering against a wall; Brevard went swiftly up to him. “We’ll need you,” he said shortly. Dunsack maintained his silence and air of stubborn cunning; but, when the other man clasped his incredibly thin arm, he went willingly followed by Kate Vollar below. There he sat obediently, his judicious detachment broken by a repetition of the thin shocking snigger.
“You must be responsible for your brother,” Roger Brevard told the quivering woman. “I’ll be back immediately. Now that you know Nettie’s safe you must control yourself. No one should go up–keep everybody out–till you hear from me or the doctor or Captain Ammidon.”
What an inexplicable accident or crime, he thought, hurriedly approaching the countinghouse of Ammidon, Ammidon and Saltonstone, the first and nearest of the places to which he must go. He could remember no mark of what had overcome Taou Yuen. How was Dunsack, who was now clearly demented, implicated? What racking thing had Nettie Vollar seen?
In the subsequent exclamatory rush, even on the following morning when Roger Brevard learned that–poisoned by opium undoubtedly taken by herself–Gerrit Ammidon’s wife had died without regaining consciousness, the greater part of the tragedy became little clearer. No statement could be had from Edward Dunsack other than a meaningless array of precautionary phrases; and returning in a sliding gait toward Hardy Street he was put under a temporary restraint.
Nettie Vollar, Brevard heard, had relapsed from her injury into a second critical collapse. Yet, he told himself, entering the room that was his home in Mrs. Cane’s large square house on Chestnut Street, that the Manchu still absorbed his speculations.
It was a pleasant room and a pleasant house with a dignified portico; and his tall windows, back on the right of the second floor, opened on the length of the Napiers’ garden. Brevard sat looking out over a dim leafiness of evening and tried to discipline his thoughts into order and coherence. Any dignity of death had been soiled by the ugly mystery of the aspects surrounding the end of Taou Yuen.
He had liked her extremely well, agreeing with Rhoda Ammidon that, probably, they had never been permitted to know a more aristocratic breeding or greater degrees of purely worldly and mental and personal charm than those of Gerrit’s wife.
His mind grew more philosophical and a perception, yet without base in facts, convinced him that Taou Yuen had been killed by America. It was a fantastic thought, and he attempted to dismiss it, waiting for more secure knowledge, but it persisted. She had been killed by unfamiliar circumstances, tradition, emotions. In some manner, but how he was unable to disentangle from the pressures of mere curiosity and conjecture, Nettie Vollar–or rather Gerrit’s old passing affair with Nettie–had entered into the unhappy occurrence. After an hour’s vain search he gave up all effort to pierce the darkness until he had actual knowledge–if he ever had, he was forced to add silently. It was possible that the secret might be entirely guarded from the public, even from the closer part he had played and his familiarity with the Ammidon family.
He was an inmate of their inner garden with its lilac trees and hedged roses in season, the pungent beds of flowers and box, the moonshade of the poplars. Roger Brevard turned from the consideration of Taou Yuen to the even more insistent claim of his increasing affection for Sidsall. He stopped again both to lament and delight in her youth–another year and he would have unhesitatingly announced his feeling as love to them all. It was that, he admitted to himself almost shyly. The obvious thing was for him to wait through the year or more until the Ammidons would hear of a proposal and then urge his desire…. He could see her quite often meanwhile.
Yes, that was the sensible course, even in the face of his own multiplying years. They were twenty-five more than Sidsall’s; yet, he added in self-extenuation, he was not definitely snared in middle age; he was still elastic in body and youthful, but for graying hair, in appearance. His birth was eligible from every social consideration; and, though he was not rich, he had enough independently to assure the safety of his wife’s future. This did not come entirely, or now even in the larger part, from the Mongolian Marine Insurance Company, but took the form of a comparatively small but secure private income.
He paused to wonder if it had not been that latter fact which had prevented his being successful–successful, that was, in William Ammidon’s meaning of the word. He had not made money nor a position of importance among men of affairs. Such safety, he decided, was a dangerous possession judged by the standards he was now considering. A few thousand a year for life struck at the root of activity. It induced a critical detached attitude toward life, overemphasized the importance of the cut of a trouser and the validity of pedigree. It was a mistake to dance noticeably well.
Drifting, together with almost everyone else, he had reached his present position, past forty, by imperceptible degrees, obscurely influenced by the play of what he intrinsically was on circumstances or accident or fate.
Although he had never done so before, he compared himself with Gerrit Ammidon. The other’s refusal to accept a partnership in the family firm or command a California clipper was known. Gerrit and himself were alike in that they apprehended the values of life more clearly than did the ordinary mind or heart. But, in retaliation, the world they differed from curtly brushed them aside. Roger Brevard could not see that they had made the least mark on the callous normal cruelty or the aesthetic and spiritual blindness of the existence they shared. But it was always possible that something bigger than their grasp of justice or beauty was afoot.
He turned from the darkened prospect of the window and his thoughts to the room. Without a light he removed his formal street clothes, hanging the coat and waistcoat, folding the trousers in a drawer, with exact care; changing his light boots for fiber slippers he set the former in the row of footgear drawn up like a military review against the wall. Though it was quite obscure now, and no one would see him, he paused to brush his slightly disarranged hair, before–tying the cord of his chamber robe–he resumed his seat.
The year, he reverted to Sidsall, would pass; but, try as he might, he had no feeling of security in the future, however near. It was the present, this Sidsall, that filled him with a tyrannical and bitter longing. She was unbelievably beautiful now. Against the faintness of his hope, his patience, he saw the whole slow process of the disintegration of marine insurance, and with it his own fatuous insensibility to the decline: that decline with its exact counterpart in himself. Salem and he were getting dusty together.
He straightened up vigorously in his chair–this would never do. He must wind up his affairs here and return to New York. The tranquil backwater had overpowered him for a time; but, again awake, he would strike out strongly… with Sidsall. Endless doubt and hope fluctuated within him. Voices rose from the Napier garden, and from a tree sounded the whirring of the first locust he had noticed that summer.
On a noon following he saw the passage of the three or four carriages that constituted the funeral cortège of Taou Yuen’s entirely private interment. She would be buried of course by Christian service: here were none of the elaborate Confucian rites and ceremonial; yet–from what Taou Yuen had occasionally indicated–Confucius, Lao-tze, the Buddha, were all more alike than different; they all vainly preached humility, purity, the subjugation of the flesh. He stopped later in the Charter Street cemetery and found her grave, the headstone marked:
TAOU YUEN
A MANCHURIAN LADY
THE WIFE
OF
GERRIT AMMIDON, ESQ.
and the dates.
He saw, naturally, but little of the Ammidons–a glimpse of Rhoda in the carriage and William on Charter Street; the _Nautilus_, ready for sea, continued in her berth at Phillips’ Wharf. Fragments of news came to him quoted and re-quoted, grotesquely exaggerated and even malicious reports of the tragedy at the Dunsacks’. Standing at his high desk in the countingroom of the Mongolian Marine Insurance Company, Taou Yuen’s glittering passage through Salem already seemed to him a fable, a dream. Even Sidsall, robustly near by, had an aspect of unreality in the tender fabric of his visions. Captain Rendell, his spade beard at the verge of filmed old eyes, who was seated at the window, rose with difficulty. For a moment he swayed on insecure legs, then, barely gathering the necessary power, moved out into the street.
Later, when Roger Brevard was turning the key on the insurance company for the day, Lacy Saltonstone stopped to speak in her charming slow manner: “Mother of course is in a whirl, with Captain Ammidon about to marry that Nettie Vollar, since she is recovering after all, and our moving to Boston…. You see I’m there so often it will make really very little difference to me. Sidsall is the lucky one, though you’d never know it from seeing her…. I thought you’d have heard–why, to Lausanne, a tremendously impressive school for a year. They have promised her London afterward. I would call that a promise, but actually, Sidsall–.”
“Doesn’t she want to go?” he asked mechanically, all the emotions that had chimed through his being suddenly clashing in a discordant misery. He bowed absently, and hastening to his room softly closed the door and sat without supper, late into the evening, lost in a bitterness that continually poisoned the resolutions formed out of his overwhelming need. He was aghast at the inner violence that destroyed the long tranquility of his existence, the clenched hands and spoken words lost in the shadows over the Napiers’ garden. He wanted Sidsall with a breathless tyranny infinitely sharper than any pang of youth: she was life itself.
She didn’t want to go, Lacy had made that clear; and he told himself that her reluctance could only, must, proceed from one cause–that she cared for him. As he dwelt on this, the one alleviating possibility, he became certain of its truth. He would find her at once and in spite of Rhoda and William Ammidon explain that his whole hope lay in marrying her. With an utter contempt at all the small orderly habits which, he now saw, were the expression of a confirmed dry preciseness, he left his clothes in a disorderly heap. Such a feeling as Sidsall’s and his, he repeated from the oppressive expanse of his black walnut bed, was above ordinary precautions and observance. Then, unable to dismiss the thought of how crumpled his trousers would be in the morning, oppressed by the picture of the tumbled garments, he finally rose and, in the dark, relaid them in the familiar smooth array.
In the morning his disturbance resolved into what seemed a very decided and reasonable attitude: He would see Rhoda that day and explain his feeling and establish what rights and agreement he could. He was willing to admit that Sidsall was, perhaps, too young for an immediate decision so wide in results. The ache, the hunger for happiness sharpened by vague premonitions of mischance, began again to pound in his heart.
At the Ammidons’ it was clear immediately that Rhoda’s manner toward him had changed: it had become more social, even voluble, and restrained. She conversed brightly about trivial happenings, while he sat listening, gravely silent. But it was evident that she soon became aware of his difference, and her voice grew sharper, almost antagonistic. They were in the formal parlor, a significant detail in itself, and Roger Brevard saw William pass the door. Well, he would soon have to go, he must speak about Sidsall now. It promised to be unexpectedly difficult; but the words were forming when she came into the room.
There were faint shadows under her eyes, the unmistakable marks of tears. An overwhelming passion for her choked at his throat. She came directly up to him, ignoring her mother. “Did you hear that they want me to go away?” she asked. He nodded, “It’s that I came to see your mother about.”
“They know I don’t want to,” she continued; “I’ve explained it to them very carefully.”
“My dear Sidsall,” Rhoda Ammidon cut in; “we can’t have this. What Roger has to say must be for me and your father.” The girl smiled at her and turned again to Roger Brevard. “Do you want me to go?”
“No!” he cried, all his planning lost in uncontrollable rebellion.
“Then I don’t think I shall.”
William entered and stood at his wife’s shoulder. “You won’t insist,” Sidsall faced them quietly. “Ridiculous,” her father replied. Brevard realized that he must support the girl’s bravery of spirit. How adorable she was! But, before the overwhelming superior position of the elder Ammidons, their weight of propriety and authority, his determination wavered.
“To be quite frank,” the other man proceeded, “since it has been forced on us, Sidsall imagines herself in love with you, Brevard. I don’t need to remind you how unsuitable and preposterous that is. She’s too young to know the meaning of love. Besides, my dear fellow, you’re a quarter century her elder. We want Sidsall to go to London like her mother, have her cotillions, before she settles into marriage.”
“They can’t understand, Roger,” Sidsall touched his hand. “We’re sorry to disappoint them–“
“You ought to be made to leave the room,” William fumed.
“That isn’t necessary,” Rhoda told him. “I am sure Roger understands perfectly how impossible it is. You mustn’t be hurt,” she turned to him, “if I admit that we have very different plans… at least a man nearer Sidsall’s age.”
The girl lifted a confident face to him. “You want to marry me, don’t you?” she asked. More than any other conceivable joy. But he said this silently. His courage slowly ebbed before the parental displeasure viewing him coldly. “Then–” Sidsall paused expectantly, a touch of impatience even invaded her manner. “Please tell them, Roger.”
“Why I have to put up with this is beyond me,” William Ammidon expostulated with his wife. “It’s shameless.”
Roger Brevard winced. He tried to say something about hope and the future, but it was so weak, a palpable retreat, leaving Sidsall alone and unsupported, that the words perished unfinished. The girl studied him, suddenly startled, and her confidence ebbed. He turned away, crushed by convention, filled with shame and a sense of self-betrayal.
A stillness followed of unendurable length, in which he found his attention resting on the diversified shapes of the East India money in a corner cabinet. It was Sidsall who finally spoke, slowly and clearly:
“Forgive me.”
He recognized that she was addressing her mother and father. From a whisper of skirts he realized that she was leaving the room. Without the will necessary for a last glimpse he stood with his head bowed by an appalling sensation of weariness and years.
In a flash of self-comprehension, Roger Brevard knew that he would never, as he had hoped, leave Salem. He was an abstemious man, one of a family of long lives, and he would linger here, increasingly unimportant, for a great while, an old man in new epochs, isolated among strange people and prejudices. Whatever the cause–the small safety or an inward flaw–he had never been part of the corporate sweating humanity where, in the war of spirit and flesh, the vital rewards and accomplishments were found.
Soon after he passed Gerrit and Nettie Vollar driving in the direction of the harbor; she was lying back wanly in the Ammidon barouche, but her companion’s face was set directly ahead, his expression of general disdain strongly marked. A vigorous hand, Roger noted, was clasped about Nettie’s supine palm. She saw him standing on the sidewalk and bowed slightly, but the shipmaster plainly overlooked him together with the rest of Salem.
The end of summer was imminent in a whirl of yellow leaves and chill gray wind. There was a ringing of bugles through the morning, the strains of military quicksteps, rhythmic tramping feet and the irregular fulmination of salutes. That it was already the day of the annual Fall Review seemed incredible to Roger Brevard. He was indifferent to the activities of the Common; but when he heard that the _Nautilus_ was sailing in the middle of the afternoon he left his inconsequential affairs for Phillips’ Wharf.
A small number were waiting on the solid rock-filled reach, the wharfinger’s office at its head and a stone warehouse blocking the end, where the _Nautilus_ lay with her high-steeved bowsprit pointing outward. The harbor was slaty, cold, and there was a continuous slapping of small waves on the shore. Darkening clouds hung low in the west, out of which the wind cut in flaws across the open. The town, so lately folded in lush greenery, showed a dun lift of roofs and stripping branches tossing against an ashy sky.
Close beside Roger stood Barzil Dunsack, his beard blowing, with Kate Vollar in a bright red shawl, her skirts whipping uneasily against her father’s legs. Beyond were the Ammidons–William, and Rhoda in a deep furred wrap, and their daughters. Rhoda waved for him to join them, but he declined with a gesture of acknowledgment.
The deck of the _Nautilus_ was above his vision but he could see most of the stir of departure. The peremptory voice of the mate rose from the bow, minor directions were issued by the second mate aft, a seaman was aloft on the main-royal yard and another stood at the stage rising sharply from the wharf. Gerrit and his wife had not yet arrived, and the pilot, making a leisurely appearance, stopped to exchange remarks with the Ammidons. He climbed on board the ship and Roger could see his head and shoulders moving toward the poop and mounting the ladder.
The wind grew higher, shriller, every moment; it was thrashing among the stays and braces; the man aloft, a small movement against the clouds, swayed in its force. There was a faint clatter of hoofs from Derby Street, Brevard had a fleeting glimpse of an arriving carriage, and Gerrit, supporting Nettie Ammidon, advanced over the wharf. The shipmaster walked slowly, the woman clinging, almost dragging, at his erect strength. They went close by Roger: Nettie’s pale face, her large shining dark eyes, were filled with placid surrender. Her companion spoke in a low grave tone, and she looked up at him in a tired and happy acquiescence.
The two families joined, and there was a confused determined gayety of farewell and good wishes. Out of it finally emerged the captain of the _Nautilus_ and the slight figure upon his arm. He wore a beaver hat, and, as they mounted the stage, he was forced to hold it on with his free hand. When the quarter-deck was reached they disappeared into the cabin.
“Mr. Broadrick,” the pilot called, “you can get in those bow fasts. Send a hawser to the end of the wharf; I’m going to warp out.” There was a harsh answering clatter as the mooring chain that held the bow of the _Nautilus_ was secured, and a group of sailors went smartly forward with a hemp cable to the end of the wharf’s seaward thrust. The _Nautilus_ lay on the eastern side, with the wind beating over the starboard quarter, and there was little difficulty in getting under way. Strain was kept on the stern and breast fasts while the mate directed:
“Ship your capstan bars.”
The capstan turned and the _Nautilus_ moved forward to the beat of song.
“Low lands, low lands, hurrah, my John, I thought I heard the old man say.
Low lands, low lands, hurrah, my John, We’ll get some rum …
… Hurrah, my John.
Then shake her–“
“Vast heaving,” Mr. Broadrick shouted.
The intimate spectators on Phillips’ Wharf moved out with the ship. Gerrit Ammidon was now visible on the quarter-deck with the pilot. He walked to the port railing aft and stood gazing somberly back at Salem. The stovepipe hat was not yet discarded, and the hand firmly holding its brim resembled a final gesture of contempt. The pilot approached him, there was a brief exchange of words, and the former sharply ordered:
“Stand by to run up your jib and fore-topmast staysail, Mr. Broadrick. Put two good men at the sheets and see that those sails don’t slat to pieces.
“On the wharf there–take that stern fast out to the last ringbolt. Mr. Second Mate… get your fenders aboard.” The wind increased in a violence tipped with stinging rain. “Give her the jib and stay-sail.” She heeled slightly and gathered steerage way. Roger Brevard involuntarily waved a parting salutation. An extraordinary emotion swept over him: a ship bound to the East always stirred his imagination and sense of beauty, but the departure of the _Nautilus_ had a special significance. It was the beginning, yes, and the end, of almost the whole sweep of human suffering and despair, of longing and hope and passion, and a reward.
“Let go the stern fast. Steady your helm there.”
“Steady, sir.”
A mere gust of song was distinguishable against the blast of storm. Under the lee of the stone warehouse, on the solidity of the wharf, the land, Roger Brevard watched the _Nautilus_ while one by one the topsails were sheeted home and the yards mastheaded. “A gale by night,” somebody said. The ship, driving with surprising speed toward the open sea, was now apparently no more than a fragile shell on the immensity of the stark horizon.
The light faded: the days were growing shorter. Alone Brevard followed the others moving away. Kate Vollar’s red shawl suddenly streamed out and was secured by a wasted hand. Just that way, he thought, the color and vividness of his existence had been withdrawn.
THE END